Networks of LOVE
Definition
A Network of LOVE is a stable, honest web of relationships that shares the emotional load a couple would otherwise carry alone.
Metaphorically speaking, it is like potted plants compared to a thriving garden. Potted plants are completely dependent on their caregivers and can suffer if they are isolated with little other support. A garden is joined underground by a mycelial network connecting every tree, bush and flower — sharing nutrients, sending warnings, letting the strong support the weak. That resilience is the model: when one partner needs time alone, others hold the space, and shared responsibility takes the pressure off.
“Why live like a potted plant when we could also live in a rich garden?”
It is impossible to expect anyone to be a best friend, cheerleader, therapist and lover all at once. Under this impossible weight, couples either strain and things rumble, or the relationship falls asleep.
Wanting more closeness than one partnership can offer does not mean something is missing from the main relationship. We have been taught that LOVE given to one lover takes something away from another. LOVE is abundant, not a limited resource.
Touch is not a claim of ownership: closeness can be shared comfort and healing presence without possessing anyone. The hugging meditations work this way: touch as a gift of deeply loving presence rather than possession, its wholeness and warmth carried home into another bond.
What the Network of LOVE rejects is the dopamine chase: running through a garden picking every flower. It’s all about growth, not appetite:
“It’s not about having more sex. It’s about experiencing more growth!”
Slow, honest, grounded growth is what makes a network more enriching and stabilising than monogamy. Jealousy is the biggest barrier — rooted in old wounds, in the fear of loss or the feeling of not being enough, fear rather than actual loss. Understanding it comes before going further, and Love Beyond Jealousy takes it up.
The relationship network model answers a need the foreword names: stability that does not have to be questioned every single day — trust, honesty, cohesion and the shared carrying of challenges. Opening wide does not mean giving up safety; the safety is built differently.
Across books
In the book Wide Open, Chapter 03: Why Live Like a Potted Plant delivers the model through in-scene dialogue and a notebook outline written by one of the story’s characters. Chapter 02: The Inherited Order supplies the historical background: the restricted one-partner model originated from systems of control introduced and enforced by warlords and popes.
Common misunderstandings
- “It’s a pitch for more sex.” It is about growth, not appetite; the dopamine chase through a garden picking every flower is exactly what the model rejects.
- “Touch implies a claim to ownership.” This idea is deeply ingrained in cultural stories, and it is exactly what the model unwinds: closeness can be shared comfort and healing presence without possessing anyone.
- “Jealousy proves the model wrong.” Jealousy is the first barrier to address, not a verdict on the model. It is rooted in old wounds and the fear of loss, or the feeling of not being enough. Without healthy examples, anything other than monogamy or chaotic dating may feel unfamiliar and therefore unsafe at first.
How this shows up
- Hugging meditations, where touch shares comfort without possessing anyone.
- Holding the space when a partner needs time on their own.
- Carrying warmth and a radiating presence home from one connection into another.
- Wanting more closeness without implying that something is missing from the main relationship.